Crooked Sticks

"What do you learn by putting two crooked sticks down next to each other? Nothing. If you want to know if a stick is crooked or not, you have to put it down next to a straight stick. Jesus is the perfect straight stick."

Brother Ottis Derrah

10 Year Bonus

I have lost two grandparents in seventeen days (same set). However, I have no sadness for I believe them in Heaven and better off now than they were before. Psalm 90 tells us that we get 70 years on this earth, 80 if we have the strength. They both had 80 so I figure that means they both got a ten year bonus. To me, it doesn't get any better than that. I went to my grandma's funeral this weekend and watched people cry for the sadness of my mom and aunt. I did not cry. I figure if I cry for them that does them no good. Instead of casting down tears for them I cast up prayers for them. For I know that the more I pray the sooner God will fix whatever the problem is. "All things work for the good of those who love him."

Jesus is my rock, rock, rock. He taught me how to roll, roll, roll!

Faith Sublime

"God has frequently to knock the bottom board out of your experience if you are a saint in order to get you into contact with Himself. God wants you to understand that it is a life of faith, not a life of sentimental enjoyment of his blessings. ....I will remain true to God's character whatever He may do, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him"--this is the most sublime utterance of faith in the whole of the Bible."
---Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest

Relationships

The thing I can't seem to understand about relationships is why we have to hurt one another. I mean it just seems like you should be able to have a relationship with a member of the opposite sex and not spend most of your time making one another feel bad. I don't know of a single relationship where the guy and the girl don't end up doing one another more harm than good. They leave each other broken and scarred and then go on to repeat the process with someone else. I know it's not possible for it to be anything but good all throughout and then have a happy ending, but I do ever so wish that this were the case.

Love and illusion

Just figures! God must have a sense of humor. He gives me the perfect relationship with the perfect guy at just the perfect time. Then I screw it up. Yes, leave it to me. I do the most wrong thing at the most wrong time. I swear I don't have a brain in my head. If I had one, I do believe I would be dangerous. "If it is illusion, it will screw me up. If it is love, I will screw it up." At any rate, this has been the most magical and fun month of my life. I wouldnt trade it for the world. The experience was worth it even though it is not likely to last. No matter how it ends up or what happens from here on out, nothing can diminish the value of the moment. To connect on such a high level with another human being, even if only for a moment, has to be the most beautiful experience I have had in my life that wasn't spiritual. I guess it is fitting that he called me butterfly and I called him shooting star because the two of us promise to be just as fleeting.

Ask For What You Want

Perhaps, I have given the impression that Christians who have a tight relationship with their Lord and Savior will never experience stress and worry. That is totally inaccurate. However, there is a difference. Christians should approach it all with the confidence of people who know that no matter what it is or how bad it is, that it is only temporary, just as their earthly bodies are temporary and will one day return to dust. "The darkest hour is only sixty minutes long." No matter the sorrow of the night, joy comes in the morning. Yeah, life is tough, and you will get thrashed about by it sometimes. However, keep stillness in side of you in the midst of the chaos and God will whisper secrets in your ear. Whatever happens to you, look at is an opportunity to show God's grace and faithfulness at work in your life. Share your confidence that the situation will all be okay because you are a child of the living God who is bigger than anything that is going to happen to you today. Also, know that He is your strength and that with Him you can do twice what you think you can do. If you think you can run off six hours of sleep, you can run off 3. If you think, you can run two miles, you can run four. If you think you can study five hours, you can study ten. If you are struggling with something, ask God for what you want. His promise is that if you ask for something in his name that it will be given unto you.
P.S. "If you think you are going through hell, keep going."

My Peace I Give You

I'm beginning to think that it's not really hard work and lack of sleep that makes people tired. It is the toll of stress and worry in their lives. Therefore, just work hard and do what you can do. Then, pray that God takes care of you and that his will be done. Here comes the hard part: don't worry about a thing. Have total and complete confidence that you will be taken care of. "The lilies of the field toil not but not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these." In other words, the Lord is well aware of your needs and you will be cared for, as you are more important than the lilies who are here today and gone tomorrow. John 14: 27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

God's way

I asked God to help me let go of something I had been holding on to for such a long time. Funny thing is I think he is doing just that, but it certainly isn't any fun for me. I thought it would be a gradual process, but I asked for it and it feels like He is ripping it away from me. God knows what we need better than we do. This is probably one of those situations where He can see that it is best that He just rip the band-aid off rather than pulling it off slowly. He is thinking better a big bunch of pain all at once and then it will be over than to just keep dragging out the process. God's way, will, and timing for my life are all so perfect. I pray that he just give me the strength to hang on for the ride.

Only Heaven Knows, Only Heaven Shows...

There is a song by Oleander that says, "Only heaven knows, only heaven shows the way back to everything you know and love." In life there will be trouble and strife and struggle and suffering and pain. There is a quote that says, "You may not can keep the birds of sorrow from flying over head but you can keep them from nesting in your hair." Don't fool yourself though. It doesn't matter what you are struggling with, you can't do it by yourself. It will tear you down and destroy you, if it's bad enough. You can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you were never intended to. God made absolutely certain that we weren't physically strong enough to do this. That's why stress gives us such adverse affects. Stress and worry are simply the absense of a close personal faith based relationship with your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. There is a quote that says, "if the devil can't make you bad, he will make you busy." Is your life too hard? Do you have more than you could possibly get done in the time that you have? There is a quote by a man that had it figured out, "I have so much to do that I must spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it."
There are so many Christians that are saved and are going to heaven, but they aren't experiencing the "abundant life" they have been promised. It's not because they don't pray and it's not because they don't seek God. It is because when they pray and ask for God's help, they don't really turn it all over to him. They still try to hang on to it and fix the problem themselves. The devil has blinded them to the power of God to reach into every minute detail of their lives and transform it. God promises us that if we have even a mustard seed worth of faith that we can move mountains. He also promises that us that whatever we ask for in his name will be done.
There is nothing you are experiencing that God cannot fix. Nothing is bigger than God. However, you have to "let go and let God." God cannot be your co-pilot. He has to be the pilot or he isn't going to do the navigating in your life. When you pray, you have to invoke the promises that he gives us in the Bible. Once you pray about something, give it fully to God. Don't carry the burden of it any longer. Hand it over!!! This means that once you have prayed about it have absolute confidence that it will be taken care of. Don't continue to worry about it. You cannot be good enough, talented enough, or work hard enough to fix the problems in your life. Only God can do this. Futhermore, you cannot improve your efforts by worrying nor can you add a single hour to your life. There is a quote by Rick Bragg in All Over But the Shoutin' that says, "I can't fix everything that is wrong, flawed or broken in my past." There is no truer statement than that. God is in charge of that.
I am not the most moral person you will ever meet, not the most saintly, not the most upright nor righteous I do try to live my life as God would have me to, but I daily fall so fall short of the glory that is God that it's not funny. However, my Lord said that "love covers over a multitude of sins." My God is a God of love and he daily blesses me beyond belief and it takes me so by surprise that I can think of nothing to do but to stand in awe of him and to be thankful. My point is that many live more moral lives than I do, but I don't believe them to be any closer to God nor to be more blessed than I myself am. God knows we are all screw ups, defective so to speak. If he didn't, he would never have sent his son Jesus to save us from ourselves....from the wicknedness and evil that is stored up in our hearts and minds, which prevents us from keeping the law. The point is that we can't be good enough to deserve the love, blessings, and mercy that derive from the Lord. The only thing I can think of to say in conclusion is: "Lord thank you for this good life and forgive us if we don't love you enough."

Blood of Christ

Every Thursday night is Common Meal. I look forward to it all week. All my friends are there, it is only a $1.50, and the food is great. Besides all that, we do communion. My roommate was sitting next to me and when it came time to pass the blood/wine/grape juice, she said "the blood of Christ poured out for you, now get it yourself." She said that because she was having trouble holding the tray and handing me a cup at the same time, but it was just hilarious, ironic, and ever so true. The blood of Christ has been poured out for all of us, but in order to receive the benefits of that great love and sacrifice, we do have to get it ourselves.

Busy

"If the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy."

People Suck

“People suck. I do too, and so do you. They may not suck tomorrow but today they do.”

Nursing Home Secrets

It feels like the people in the nursing home have secrets. It's almost like they are so close to the other side that they know things that we don't yet know. The stuff that they tell you when you go in there is rather simplistic but considering the source it seems to speak volumes. For instance, there is one lady in the nursing home, who whenever I am there to see my grandmother, always says to my mom and me before we leave, "have a great time." She doesn't say have a nice day or take care or any such thing as that. No! She always says have a great time. Maybe its just me, but I really do think there is something to that. It's like she knows how short life is and is trying in some small way to convey that to us.

Don't Suffer

Our lives seem to be controlled by whatever blow hits us next, sending us lurching from headache to heartache to horrow story. But we can choose how we respond emotionally. We can choose to hold on to the One who promises never to leave us.
~Barbara Johnson

God is my crutch

Some people say that people just use God and religion as a crutch. You are damn straight! Why should it be any other way? This world is too terrible a place to make it through on your own. To tell the truth, I can't imagine trying to make it through even one day without God. I can't fathom a world without his love and protection and wouldn't want to have to. Nothing gives me greater happiness than to know with complete confidence that the Lord is in control of my life. That means that no matter what comes, good or bad, I will always be taken care of. I can always have hope for the future and no situation will ever be so bad that I can't make it through. Jesus came "that we may have life and have it more abundantly." As Christians we should know that if our lives don't turn out like we wanted them to, it doesn't mean that they haven't turned out just as God wanted them to, which is infinitely better anyways if we will just look for what he wanted us to see when he changed the course of things.

My Cut Runneth Over

So I was talking to a friend of mine online about the meaning of happiness and feeling truly blessed. I was trying to quote the Bible and say, "My cup runneth over." However, I ended up typing, "my cut runneth over." The first thing that I could think of was how hilarious that it was and how that had to be the most ironic typo ever. The next thing I thought was, "my cut runneth over, but at least nobody poured salt in it. At any rate, I just thought of God as having a sense of humor. I think he created us primarily for his own entertainment, which explains free will. Can you imagine if you owned everything, were in control of everything, and had no equal, how bored and lonely you might find yourself at times? That's why I think God has us. He gets to look down from heaven and watch us make the same mistakes over and over again. I could be wrong, but I like to think of him sitting up there smiling down, shaking his head, and saying, "you stupid, kid, will you ever learn?" I guess there is a possibility that he is angry at us when we mess up like He was in the Old Testament, but since Jesus came and saved us from the sins that were seperating us from God, I think that is no longer the case, especially since it was only the sin that God could not stand and never us.
I think more than anything God wants us to see the joy and beauty all around us, which he has created, and he wants us to reflect those same two things in our own lives as testaments to the work that He is doing in us daily. I also think God wants us to see the humor in everything and to appreciate each breath that we take. I intend to do just that; as Rudyard Kipling once said, "I've taken my fun where I've found it." "There is no duty that a man so underrates at that of being happy." All other animals know that the principal purpose of life is to enjoy it."

Life Is a Trip!

Life is a trip and a hell of a ride. The destination is nothing; the road is all. " All paths lead no where so choose one that has heart." The entire experience from birth to death is entirely crazy. It is completely impossible to go through it without ever experiencing any sort of suffering or pain. That being the case, live it out loud. Don't live your life in worry or fear of the consequences of your actions. Make a mess. Have the courage to royally screw up your life. Just be sure to enjoy every minute of it. No matter what you do, you are going to screw it all up, so why not have a good time with it? "Twenty years from now, you will regret more the things you did not do rather than the ones you did." Furthermore, "You are only given a little spark of madness. You musn't lose it." We are all crazy; at least, the best of us are. I would rather be crazy and know it than to think myself sane and have doubts.
I think failure used to be my greatest fear. I don't believe that it is any longer. I think my greatest fear now is that I won't live the moments of my life well. All our lives are is a series of moments and to live each one well is to have suceeded and to have had a blast for what litle time you are here. My goal in life is to do the best that I can for each day. I want to work hard and play hard and do the best by other people as I can. I want to be stupid and silly and make a fool out of myself. "I want to dance like nobody is watching and love like it's never going to hurt." I want to see the humor and the beauty in everything. "Your life will never be extraordinary until you can the beautiful tucked inside the mundane." So much of all that is around us is such a blessing and a miracle but we often fail to see it because we are too wrapped up in ourselves to raise our heads up and look around. "We are all in the gutter, some of us just tend to look up at the stars."
Jesus is my Lord and I want to do my best to keep his commandments and find his will for my life. Other than that, I want to "party all the time, party all the time." I hope to be the eighty year old woman sitting around in the nursing home laughing all the time, saying, "That was a hell of a ride." It's like the Sister Hazel song, "I'm in the moment. The one where nothing else matters and everything is alright." Do the things you want to do today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and right now is all you have. "It is shining like a star in your hand and melting like a snowflake."

Elsewhere

For awhile, I did not understand how my grandmother and her roommate could sit in the nursing home in their wheelchairs all day long without any entertainment....no television, no radio, nothing. Then I thought that maybe being in their mental state was like being in the kind of daze you have when you first wake up. It's where you are not completely focused on anything, nothing is terribly important in that moment, and you don't really feel particularly good or bad. In the mornings when I first wake up, I don't care if I just lay there and stare at the ceiling or if the television is on. I feel completely content to be devoid of external stimulation. Perhaps that is why my grandmother expresses no interest in being entertained. At least that is the way that I like to think about it.

The Natural Course

Today I saw one of the saddest, yet most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. My grandmother recently had a stoke and is in the nursing home dying. We are all dying, given that we begin to die the moment we are born. However, she is considerably closer to that end of the spectrum than I believe myself to be. On the other hand, I could go tomorrow. At any rate, my mom holds on to the hope that she is going to get better and go home. My mom fights to keep her here and she is ready to go home to her Lord. My mom sits and stares at her the whole time we are there and scarcely takes her eyes off her. My grandmother looks right back at her, as if to say "let me go." I am not upset about the condition of my grandmother because she has let go of this life and is ready to give up "the good fight." The only thing that upsets me is to see how deeply it affects my mom. My grandmother has been trying to tell my mom the whole time she has been there that she is never going to get better. She says I am old and I am not getting any better. Today my mom said to her, "you have to stop getting up on your own and falling or you will never get any better," and her reply was simply, "so." My grandmother expresses no interest in leaving the nursing home, of reading, watching tv, listening to music, playing on the computer, or knitting, which are all things she used to enjoy. To me that is the surest sign that you are not long for here: when there is nothing left that you want to do.
I will miss my grandmother when she passes away but I have a real peace about it. She is saved and is at peace about dying. For instance, my grandmother has periods of rebounding and then worsening again, and on one of her bad days, one in which she wasn't very lucid, she looked at my mom and me and said, "I'm slipping back again, and ya'll are worried, but I'm just enjoying it." Knowing that she isn't afraid and that she is going to heaven makes it all okay for me. "Wouldn't you be happy for your friend if she were going to Hawaii? Heaven is a whole lot better than Hawaii." I love to be around my grandmother right now. It's like she is not completely in this world, and that part of her is already in the other world. It makes me feel like she knows a lot of answers that I do not yet know. I am just thankful to have this experience because I know that it will give me a foundation for letting going of my parents when the time comes.
Death is a part of life. It's the natural course of things. If you live to be twenty years old and your grandparents are still alive, consider yourself lucky. If you yourself live to be at least seventy, consider yourself lucky. The Bible gives us seventy years to live, which means anything on top of that is bonus. We live only to die in the end, making it a part of life. To me, that is not sad. What is sad is people who are dying to live rather than living to die. Life is precious and fragile and short, so truly live yours. Allow yourself to have the experience of truly being alive. You think life is hard and not worth the living? Go spend about ten minutes walking through a nusing home, and you'll learn to appreciate it and to complain a little less. Being that close to death allows you to see life more clearly.

The Off Chance

As a Christian who is daily experiencing the blessings of Christ and the joy of being one of his children, it is hard for me to believe that anyone would not seek him out for those reasons alone. However, even trying to look at salvation and the existence of God objectively, I find it hard to believe that all would not come to Christ. For instance, it seems as though they would believe in Christ on the off chance that he does exist. After all, nothing bad happens to you if you die and find out that there is no God. For if there is no God, there is no afterlife and you do not have an eternal soul so you just return to dust and there is nothing more of you, which would not be a painful process. However, if you die to find out that there is a God and that his Son was meant to be your Savior, your only ticket to heaven, yet he is not, you will then be relegated to an enternity of separation from that God and Savior you refused to acknowledge, leaving your eternal soul to continously writhe in misery.