camper

I am a seasoned camper. Look at my talents: drove out to the campground for a weekend beach trip with my buddy Jen. Stepped out of the car and instantaneously begun getting bitten by bugs, woke up the next morning and peed next to a snake, got burnt on the beach wearing spf 30, got lost on the beach taking a walk and was gone two hours, injured my foot running to look for my friends, thought my flashlight strap was a bug, walked in two a spider web that I couldn't get off me, got bitten by ants every time I sat down. I went outside to rediscover nature and discovered that the men who made ac, box fans, bug spray, indoor plumbing, toilet paper, etc are too best!! I still think there was something novel about sleeping three nights outside and for some strange reason i think i could be talked into going again.

Heaven Knows

Oleander Lyrics:

Only heaven knows
Only heaven shows the way
Back to everything you know and love
Only heaven knows
Only heaven shows the way
Back to everything you know and love
Everything you know and love
Everything you know and love
Back to everything you know
All of this time
It's been benign

shimmer

What have I learned today? Sometimes its both too late and too early to do everything you want to do. The worst thing in the world is not being tired, not having anything to do, nor anywhere to go and not being able to make any noise about it. It's too early to sleep, it's too late to run, too late to play with any of my friends and too late to make any noise.

Random Song Lyrics:

Time I cannot change so here's to looking back
you know I drink a whole bottle of my pride
and I toast to change
to keep these demons off my back
just keep these demons off my back
cause I want to shimmer, I want to shine
I want to radiate
I want to live, I want to love
I want to try to learn now not to hate
try not to hate
we're born to shimmer
we're born to shine
we're born to live, we're born to love
we're born to never hate

hard rule

Salvation=simplicity. Living the life of a Christian=impossibility without the grace of God. To stay close to Him and to remain in his will for your life means to be convicted of everything, whether it is listed in the ten commandments or not. The Bible says that all things not motivated by faith are sin. That's a hard rule.
However, I thank God for the problems that I have as well as the ones I do not have. I have problems like Lord, make me strong enough to live the life you have planned for me. Help to me to be faithful enough to trust you. Help me to know that there is no place I will tread and no decision I will make where you will not be there for me, and even more so, if it is the decision motivated by you. Forgive for me being disobedient due to my lack of my faith and my own human desires. Teach me that anything which makes me worldly and causes me to focus on you less than I ought to is wrong for me.
I thank you Lord that all I struggle with is my convictions versus my desires and that I do not have a problem with drugs or alchohol, that I am doing well in school, that I do not suffer from depression, that I have had a loving and stable family life. That I have been provided with all creature comforts. I thank you Lord that I as far back as I can remember you have always been a part of my life.

running looks good

Today a woman taught me that sometimes running looks good and that I should always dance, regardless of what other people think. She also taught me to make sure that I never stay with anyone because they really love me when I don't feel the same about them, but this works both ways. Don't stay with anyone that you are crazy about if you know they don't feel the same about you. I also learned that the one who makes the best date, doesn't always make the best husband. A good husband is loyal, dependable, hard working, trustworthy. He's a rock or he's a puppy. He may not be smooth or romantic but he will take care of you and love you.

art exhibition

I don't always know where I'm supposed to be, but it always seems as though God has me exactly where he wants me. It's as though he uses those around us to tell us the things he wants us to know. Tonight, he used a German classmate of mine to tell me that I have depth and its okay to be close to my parents, yet break away for self-absorbed reasons of my own. It's okay to enjoy final days even though they don't last. He used a political science, model/actor classmate of mine to show me that it's okay to love and to hurt and to leave your heart out there to do it all over again. He used a couple of really good friends to show me he's thinking about me, that he cares, and that I'm not alone. God uses the people who come into our lives as instruments to help us. Sometimes, it's that listening ear at just the right time, sometimes it's a well placed hug, and sometimes it's a phone call, saying, "hey, come play with us." that seem to make sense when nothing else does. It's crazy how a random jaunt through a golf course in the middle of the night, when that night and a few subsequent days belong to you, can lead to a chapel where the doors aren't locked. A cross on the ceiling can show you that everything is just as it should be. It's not that the circumstances of your life are any more clear or that you have figured out the direction you should take. It's that you have peace and can run around confidently in circles like a chicken with your head cut off laughing hysterically because you aren't the one driving anyways. I guess I'm saying Jesus took the wheel, and I ended up in my father's house singing praises to his name, knowing that in that moment there was no place else I should be. Funny how God began this night with an art exhibition and showed me beauty all night long.

Woodpecker

God created a bird that can put holes in trees with its face. It seems to me he has the power to do anythinng and everything, however big, however small. He does all things in his good pleasure. Why not let him have his way with your life? After all, if he expects you to bore through wood, he will equip you with the proper tools with which to do so.

fun with mr pibb

Not having Latin American politics today, I slept in. I thought this would be a great morning for this reason. Nope! I jumped in the shower and had to leave before I was ready to give a classmate her book back. Then I was burning up hot all morning. I rounded up enough change to get a diet coke. I pushed the button for diet coke and a mr. pibb fell out. I think to myself that sucks. I dropped in on the floor and it exploded. Then I thought well, some days are just better than others. I was just real freaking happy not to be wearing any mr. pibb. I came home for lunch and ended up wearing some of my soup. At this point, I just started laughing. Even when things are bad, its all really funny. I like to think of God having a sense of humor. I say it sucks about the mr. pibb then God is like oh really? Check this out. Explosion! No more mr. pibb problem. Now that is humor!!!

More than Conquerors

We are more than conquerors. Christ the Lord overcame the world before time began (it just doesn't know it yet). Satan knows this truth, but why would he admit it? The God of peace will soon bring Satan under your feet. If you aren't already on God's team, you might want to switch sides before the victor collects the spoils of war, and the insurgents are put on trial to receive their just punishment. There are no neutrals; all parties are brought into this war of the spirits. Take up defenses with the Lord or forfeit your soul to the loser. The battle goes not to the world's strong, but to God's weak for He gives them strength when they need it.

Strength To Stand

His strength is perfected in our weakness. I went to a retreat once called the Strength to Stand Conference. They gave us a small white flag, representing surrender. Jesus, is your strength to stand. If you want to be strong, be strong enough to let go and let God. When you pray, give it all up. Release the pain, suffering, sorrow, worry, fear, etc. Once you've prayed about it, let God carry your burdens. They will do nothing but tear you down. To give them to God is to edify Him and yourself. His grace will be sufficient for you and you will not be tempted beyond what you can bear. God will always provide you a way out so that you may be able to stand up under it.

"Walking in the Lord"

I'm gonna do my walking in the Lord
I'm gonna do my singing in the Lord
I'm gonna do my dancing in the Lord
I'm gonna do my running in the Lord

Chorus:
walking in the Lord
singing in the Lord
dancing in the Lord
running in the Lord

I'll walk by faith when I cannot see
I'll sing praises to his name
I'll dance for his pleasure
I'll run to his stronghold

I'm gonnna do my falling in the Lord
I'm gonna do my standing in the Lord
I'm gonna do my waiting in the Lord
I'm gonna do my willing in the Lord

Chorus:
falling in the Lord
standing in the Lord
waiting in the Lord
willing in the Lord

I'll fall to my knees when I am weak
and there I'll find strength to stand.
I'll find his time to be the right time.
I'll make his will my own

I'll do these things...

Chorus:
Cause walking in the Lord
Gives me peace
Gives me joy
It gives me strength to stand.
(Repeat)

Borrowing a Sunset

Driving home this evening, I saw a beautiful sunset. I began thinking how things in our lives are like sunsets. Just because something is beautiful doesn't mean that you can keep it or that it will stay. You can see and enjoy these things but you can't capture them. Its just the way you can't capture the true essence of a sunset with a camera. Still, the sunset's value is not diminished. We only become dissatisfied when we attempt to hold onto the beauty in this life that was never meant to stay. Never plan to keep the beauty. Just borrow it for awhile.

I'm God's Puppy

I saw a girl walking her pretty golden lab puppy earlier today. The puppy was excited and wanted to stop and look at everything and experience it all. A little tug on his leash and he was off and running again following behind his master. It seems that we are like this with God. We often get distracted by things along our path that delay us or take us off course. Then, God gives us a little tug to get us refocused on the things that are important. There will be many things you will want to devote your time to that are neither productive nor constructive. Endeavor to keep following behind your master and do not let your excitement of the things of this world delay you or cause you to run ahead of your master who is in heaven. Follow behind him dilligently. Trust that he will let you stop and "sniff" the things that are better than anything you could find on your own. When you experience God's tug on your leash, even if it is a little painful at times, just realize that he is going come on, I've got better things to show you.

Seasons

Ecclesiates 3:1-8 tells us that there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven:... There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gether them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away...
This means that there is a season for our relationships. No person will be in your life throughout its entirety. You will lose your grandparents probably before you leave college, and you will lose your parents before you become a grandparent. Your friends and boyfriends will come and go. The point is to recognize that those who are a part of your life were only intended to be there for a season. Be not suprised nor dicouraged when that season ends. Rejoice in the experience and in what you learned about life and yourself. Think of how the season has enriched your life and recall fondly the portion of your journey you took with the other person.
Never let fear of the season's end deny you of the season. Know that the season will end and accept it. Enjoy all the seasons that God has blessed you with. After all, a life filled with happy seasons is a happy life. We don't rail against the changing of winter into spring and neither should we fight the changing of life's seasons. Instead, we should await the coming season with hope and excitement rather than fear and anxiety. God is faithful throughout all our seasons and is the only one we can have a relatonship with that never comes to an end.

Patience

Patience is a virtue. It requires us to give up the one thing that we seem to have the least of and desire the most of and the thing we have no way of getting back once it has been lost: time. I find that I struggle to have patience. I know that my time on earth is but a breath, so I desire to use my time here as well as I can. Therefore, when I am waiting on other people or even God, I, at times, feel like I am wasting my non-renewable resource of time. What I need to remind myself when I feel the sand slipping through the hour glass is that for me and all Christians time is endless. If I truly have faith that upon leaving this world I go to one eternal then there is no such thing as time. I also need to remember that when I feel I am wasting "my" time that it doesn't belong to me at all. Once you acknowledge Jesus as your savior, your time is his time. What we all fail to recognize as Christians is that our time on this earth only has value in as much as it reflects Jesus Christ
To truly show Christ's love to others, put in the time. Do something that someone else wants you to do, something to benefit them or enrich their life in some way in lieu of what your natural tendency inclines you toward. However, do it without saying, "well, I am doing this for you but really I want to be....." No, you must do it whole heartedly and not begrudingly or resentfully. Not easy is it? This is why it's a virtue. You can do this on your own. This has to be done with the power of the Holy Spirit (God's presence in your life).

Desires of My Heart

God gives you the desires of your heart. Does this mean he gives you the things that your heart desires or he creates the desires in your heart? My heart is in one city and my body in another. If God has given me this desire I should be there, right?
I don't have the answers to these questions. I feel I could lose everything and live in a shack, being content, happy, and blessed so long as I didn't forget who my Lord is or who by consequence that makes me. I believe I could make it alone without being bitter or unhappy. God is in the business of healing broken hearts. He's healed one before I'm sure of. The only heart he can't heal is the one broken by denial of him.
I can't shake the belief that I would be happier without all of the things of this world with God as my captain than have all of them with myself as my captain. After all, alone I am never lonely. How could I be when I read the truth and talk to the One who wrote it?
Lord, there is your way and the highway and I've been out on that lonely road too long to want to keep traveling it. Show me the way home-the one that leads to life. I want to be yours more than I want to be any other thing. So whatever else is going on, that is the primary desire of my heart.

God Owns the Details Too

It seems as though people don't come to God because by and large Christians don't seem any happier than anyone else. They figure they will have to follow a lot of rules and will gain nothing. After all, life for Christians appears as hard and bad and miserable as what they are living. Christians trust God with their souls and have full confidence about where they will spend eternity. However, they often fail to trust God in the every day details of their lives and they fail to find the strength to steal their lives out of Satan's clutches. I hope to not fear to live my happiness out loud. I want the world to know that I am saved and blessed beyond belief, all the while deserving none of it. When things are good, we often wait for the other shoe to drop, almost holding our breath, afraid to be too happy for fear that happiness is a fleeting thing. However, life is so short that it does not matter whether or not the happiness lasts. In the end, all that will matter is that you drank it all in, just as it was given to you, and that you loved and you laughed and you played and you feared not the coming hours, knowing that this hour is all that you are guaranteed. To live this moment well is to have accomplished more than the all the most learned figures of history combined have ever done.

Where I Tread

Lately, we have been studying the Holy Spirit on Wednesday nights at church. The pastor always asks us to give examples of how the Holy Spirit has been working in our lives. Well, it goes a little something like this. He has given me blessings upon blessings. He has acted as a spirit of healing. My French professor recently had open heart surgery and we put him on the prayer list at my church and he was there this Sunday for the first time, looking as well as I have ever seen him. I could not hide my sheer joy and excitement, yet found no need to. Aside from that, the Holy Spirit has acted as my spirit of protection. I recently had oral surgery to have an abcessed tooth extracted and a bone graft put in since I had bone loss, given that the problem had gone on for about ten months. I was completely unaware of it because I had no pain associated with it but it turns out that it was a major problem. In the middle of papers and final exams is when this problem decided to reach its peak, yet I didn't miss a single deadline and made A's on all my finals. However, I left school headed for home late one Sunday night because I was to have my stitches out the next morning. The drive is two and a half hours long. It began to rain just as I got in the car. To make a long story, shorter, I ended up hydroplaning, fish tailing, and then spinning around all over the road and into the median. I was not hurt in the least nor did I lose my composure. I simply drove back on the road. I realized that I had a flat tire so I made it to a nearby rest stop. I got out in the rain and changed my tire. I was exhausted and soaked from head to foot by the time it was over, but I managed it and with no help from anyone but God. I drove 50 mph all the way home on my doughnut. It took me four hours to get home from the time I left and I made it by 3:30 am.
This is the work of the Holy Spirit because it couldn't have been a worse event from which nothing bad came of it. First off, if it hadn't been so late at night, there would have been other cars all around for me to hit as I spun. Also, there was nothing out there for me to hit--no guardrails, no signs, no drainage ditches, nothing. It was just grass. Also, I knew how to change a tire since I had done it before when I had two flat tires simultaneously about six months prior. At that time, I had my good friend there to help me figure it all out and get me back home again. Funny how that seemingly awful event ended up being a great blessing to me. This is a great example of the reason why we should thank God at all times and for all things in all situations. "All things work for the good of those who love Him." If it hadn't been for that, I would have entirely flipped out . Not only that, but there was the rest stop which was a great place to change my tire. Furthermore, I had a change of clothes in my car and a place to change out of my soaking wet clothes. I firmly believe that nothing happens to us of any great significance without it being the will of God. We are constantly and consistently under his protection. In other words, I don't think God "accidentally" lets us die or become paralyzed or any such thing. I think all things of significance, all life altering events, are a part of His plan for our lives.
Another way the Holy Spirit was working was as a spirit of prayer. My mom sensed my impending danger associated with being on the road and had been apprehensive for the two weeks prior to my accident about me driving. The Holy Spirit put it on her heart to pray for me, especially whenever I was going to be on the road. As a result of her prayers, I am sure that all of the little things that came together to help me through the experience were a result of her prayers. It has been a crazy few weeks, but all I can think to be is thankful and all I can feel is happy and blessed to be alive. I know that there is no place on this earth where I tread that my Heavenly Father does not go with me. He lives in me through his Holy Spirit, just as He lives in all of His children.

Loser

So I knew I was a sinner, but I think I am realizing I am even a worst sinner than I orginally believed or imagined. "There are none that do good; no not one." "All fall short of the glory." I sure am glad that we are saved by grace because there is no way in hell I would get to heaven any other way. I know I sin and that I am a total flunky and screw up. I just hope that God can say to me some day, "you know my favorite thing about you, kiddo? I love the way that you loved life; you loved it when it was good and you loved it when it was bad. You lived each moment and always looked for the beautiful, and you sought me through it all. You never gave up and you always put your heart and soul into all that you did. You never let the bad things of this world tarnish your spririt or make you bitter. You loved yourself and you loved those around you. Most importantly, you loved me and you accepted my great love and sacrifice for you, knowing all the while that you didn't deserve it." I want God to be able to say that to me. "Kid, you are a total loser, but you are my loser, so you have just won paradise for all of eternity." The bottomline is: you are a loser. We all are! But you can win even though you lose. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to let go of your pride and your fear and any belief that you may have that you are in control of your life. You can't control your life! All is beyond your control. Either God controls your life or the Devil will control your life. Whose loser do you want to be?

Happy Am I

I have this crazy professor. He talks more about being in a special forces unit in the Amazon than he lectures. Anyways, he lived amongst the Whappashani (spelling most certainly wrong) Indians for 16 months. He described their culture and lives. I have never been so thankful to live here in America. The women in their tribe have babies without any kind of drugs and without any help whatsoever from anyone. To clean the newborn they lick it just like animals do and they cut the umbilical cord with a shell. After all this, they return to the fields to work all day, while the husband gets to rest for the next three days after the child is born. Then after returning from the field the woman cooks the man supper. Forget the society being sexist. They cut the calves of the men with a shell and rub salt in the wounds for six hours and if they cry out in pain they are not a warrior and if they are not a warrior they kill them. They drink masticated fermented banana beer and eat raw snake meat. They have worms living all up in their bodies. I'm very very very blessed and so terribly happy to have doctors, pain killers, Budweiswer, and Hot Pockets. There are very few Americans who have any sort of excuse to be anything but happy.

Crooked Sticks

"What do you learn by putting two crooked sticks down next to each other? Nothing. If you want to know if a stick is crooked or not, you have to put it down next to a straight stick. Jesus is the perfect straight stick."

Brother Ottis Derrah