I was standing outside trying to beat the dirt out of my car mats. I was hitting the things as hard as I could against a tree. I did it time and again, but no matter how many times I did it dirt continued to fall onto the leaves below. This is my life. I cannot clean it up on my own. I will try time and again to be good enough out of my own will and volition. I will always fail. Just like these mats, the dirt in my life doesn't show. However, God and I both know its there. The only way I know how to live well enough to be deserving of the purpose for which God has called me is to life a life in which I let the Holy Spirit dominate me. Do not mistake me, I am not talking about salvation. We will never earn our salvation or be good enough to deserve it. That is a gift for which there is not enough thanks and one in which we cannot pay back its value. Still, God's will shall direct my life. The only way to be clean is to allow God to bathe you in his blood. In most cases, the easiest way to know if it's your way or God's way is generally by how difficult it is and what you feel like after the mission is completed. If you do it your way, it will be easy and make you happy at the time, but many times you will feel unsatisfied, empty, or even guilty afterwards. But, if you do it God's way, you feel like you are swimming upstream. Why? Because you are! God's way has nothing to do with the ways of the world. The Bible reminds us time and again that we are aliens here. This is not your home. It is no wonder that you feel different than other people and why sometimes you have a longing you cannot explain. You are homesick. When you are struggling and feeling alone, remember that God is always with you and has promised to never leave you. You can fail him, we will all fail him, but he always forgives us, and takes us up lovingly into his arms and cares for us whenever we call out to him. All the hairs of our heads are numbered. This detail from the Bible lets you know the depth of God's love for you and that he cares about every single minute detail of your life. The Bible also tells us that he cares for the birds of the air, providing for all of their needs and that we are worth infinitely more than this to him. Thus, the hymn His Eye Is on The Sparrow.
My favorite book of the Bible has always been Psalms. Whenever I distance myself from God for whatever reason...stress, work, apathy, etc. Psalms is where I always seem to rediscover him. Psalms is simply people calling out to God, who are filled with pain, anguish, revenge, anger. I can identify with this. They plead with God to destroy their enemies and come to their aid. They are screaming, Lord, Lord, help me, save me. They don't clean up their emotions, and they don't attempt to hide anything from God. They come to him in their raw humanity. That is all God wants from us. You can talk to him when you are angry, depressed or scared. He doesn't hold any of this against you. Give God your dirty mat filled with dirt (your heart). He will beat it all out, and restore everything to perfect working order in your life. Life is a fight and a struggle. There is no denying this. We are souls not from here controlled by a body that is. This a total paradox, so living gets tough from time to time. Laugh Scream, Shout, or Cry out God's name in all your wretched emotion, but never cease to call out to him. God knows your heart anyways. He's knows if it is black with dirty thoughts and emotions, but he can't help you with that if you don't ask. Stop banging your heart against the tree. Remeber this: man cares about what you appear to be, how things look on the outside. God does not care what it looks like, but what it is. Don't wait until you can put your best foot forward to talk to God. Come to him dirty and broken and let him teach you how to put your best foot forward. Be like the little girl whose grandfather discovered her reverently reciting the alphabet. When asked what she was doing, she said I don't know what to pray tonight so I'm just saying all the letters. God knows what order they go in.
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