I am getting my ass kicked! I'm not battleready! I'm a sorry ass excuse for a soldier today. Today, Lord, I need you to drag my wounded ass off the field. Lord, I have gone into battle without my armor and I'm not even swinging my sword. I have it sitting on my hip and am walking around in a daze.
I've been in a bad mood with a bad attitude for weeks now. "Oh," I cry, "I'm the weakened victim!" I'm letting the demons ride me. I'm allowing them to have power over me. I'm letting them sit there, one on each shoulder, and whisper lies into my ears. I'm letting them rob me of my God-given peace and joy! Hell, if you are going to let someone lie to you at least make it good news!
I said to God, I'm still using my sword; I'm still in your word. He quickly made clear to me, however, that carrying the sword around is not the same thing as using it. "Great! You know my words? Use them!" said the Lord. "They are powerful! They are timeless!"
Lord, I've been out there trying to live my life on my own again as though I have some clue as to what I want or what I need. I know neither! I know that you are synonymous with life for me. As soon as I lose track of you, I begin dying all over again. I have no light to shine without you. All I can do is reflect you, and when I'm not doing that I'm cloaked in darkness, evil, and failure.
Lord, I don't do the victim well and I don't do failure well. I was created to shine, and the only way that I can do that is to reflect you. If anything about me is good and alive and spirited and infectious, it's you! The light in my eyes and my carefree dancing around like a fool and my sideways grin and the days when I can do little more than laugh and run and soak up the sunshine-that's all you!
Lord, forgive me for listening to the lies of demons. Forgive me for believing them. Forgive me for ever lacking confidence and peace. Forgive me for all the days I wallow in stress or self pity. Forgive me for all the days when I don't laugh and dance and make music and spread your peace and joy into everyone I come in contact with. Forgive me for allowing my focus to be on me rather than you and everyone who needs to feel your love. Forgive me for concerning myself with what in this world is real besides you. All other things are just shadows.
Forgive me for not praising your name every single moment of the day because I am young and healthy and loved by so many. I can run and jump and leap and dance and shout, and my life is brimming over with blessings and opportunities. I have no right to be anything other than happy as a lark and humbled by your grace.
Teach me, Father, that I have no real problems, and teach me to believe every single one of your promises with my heart rather than my head so that it may be "credited to me as righteousness."
