I dont undestand being engaged. I understand I love you. I understand I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't understand why we ask a person to spend the rest of our lives with us and then make them wait a year to do it. If we aren't ready to get married why do we ask?
I don't do well in gray areas and engagement just feels like a big holding pattern. I'm feel like I'm sitting in a plane out on the tarmac.
I also don't understand a wedding. I understand a marriage, but I don't understand spending a year of my life focused on one day. I don't understand spending thousands of dollars on something that will virtually be over in the blink of an eye (after you wait the year to actually blink your eye).
I don't understand how something that is truly only about two people becomes about everybody else.
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Friday, October 01, 2010
Brainstorming up a Wedding
I like these for the flowers:
We should get married here:
First Presbyterian Church of Navasota
I'm thinking the bridesmaids should wear this:
I'm thinking I like this for me:
http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Allover-beaded-lace-trumpet-gown-T9612_Bridal-Gowns-Features-Most-Popular
http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Allover-beaded-lace-trumpet-gown-T9612_Bridal-Gowns-Features-Most-Popular
We should honeymoon here:
We should get married on April 2, but due to extenuating circumstances I'm really super hoping for March 5th.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Clown Soul
"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments."
I think this fits me to a T. I think I must like to struggle. I've had way more fun today than I did yesterday. Yesterday there was nothing going on PERIOD EXCLAMATION POINT. Today has just been a series of tiny crises.
My second attempt to make a cookie cake was a failure. It's okay because this time I failed in a completely different way than I did the first time. The first time I didn't have enough dough and had no clue how to spread the dough into the pizza crisper pan. This time I had both of those things figured out. However, I had no clue how to get the damned thing out of the pan in one piece. My attempt to flip it was a complete disaster. Now its oddly shaped cookie bars. Its the best I could do. They still taste good. Also, I managed to get cookie grease all over the present I had just wrapped Brian so I had to unwrap and rewrap it and clean up the colossal mess I made of the kitchen.
Give me a bunch of little problems, tasks, and things to do over boredom any day of the week and TWICE on Sunday.
I think this fits me to a T. I think I must like to struggle. I've had way more fun today than I did yesterday. Yesterday there was nothing going on PERIOD EXCLAMATION POINT. Today has just been a series of tiny crises.
My second attempt to make a cookie cake was a failure. It's okay because this time I failed in a completely different way than I did the first time. The first time I didn't have enough dough and had no clue how to spread the dough into the pizza crisper pan. This time I had both of those things figured out. However, I had no clue how to get the damned thing out of the pan in one piece. My attempt to flip it was a complete disaster. Now its oddly shaped cookie bars. Its the best I could do. They still taste good. Also, I managed to get cookie grease all over the present I had just wrapped Brian so I had to unwrap and rewrap it and clean up the colossal mess I made of the kitchen.
Give me a bunch of little problems, tasks, and things to do over boredom any day of the week and TWICE on Sunday.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
i'm a cartoon character
I'd like to say I've had a bad day, but with all that's going on in the world, I realize my day was really just a cartoon. You know the kind- the one where the silly clown drives a car that breaks down and the wheels fall off and the hood pops open and smoke seeps out from all over, and the one where the silly coyote is trying to run down the road runner on a bike when he hits a curb wrong and goes flying and little birdies circle all around his head.
It wasn't even as bad as all that. My friend Chelsea and I headed downtown in rush hour traffic to go to the friends and family event of my boyfriend's new restaurant opening. It's like 100 degrees in Texas this time of day in July so we are both hot and running the AC full blast so as not to show up as two separate puddles. Anyways, so the car is practically parked on the interstate for most of the trip and at red lights for the balance. The needle is dangling dangerously close to H for red hot, engine on fire. However, we make it there about six o'clock in tact and without blowing up the motor in my car. We walk in the restaurant which is wall to wall people, and we are immediately greeted by the other general manager working with Brian. I know its him even though we've never met, but he doesn't know its me. At least I don't think he does. He seems to stay right with us all through the restaurant and he's chatting it up. So I look at him for a minute and then I say like the Alabama blonde I am, "What's your name?" He says Ashton and extends his hand. I say I'm Katie, and then pause because I don't want to have to say Brian's girlfriend because that sounds stupid to me, so I just say Brian has told me a lot about you." I'm so not playing with a full deck.
Anyways, Chelsea and I miraculously manage to find a small booth and we sit and eat with Brian fetching us everything we need. He's a total sweetheart. We leave in good time, but the car which I've decided is now called Vicky, just like the GPS inside her, is not ready. Anyways, I crank her and she's all but coughing up blood. I never thought we would make it back to Plano but the last thing I wanted was to breakdown in Brian's restaurant parking lot on the day of the opening in my ancient car. I would have been mortified. I didnt care where I broke down as long as it wasn't there, so we get going with windows down and air off this time and backroads instead of the interstate and manage by the grace of God to make it back to my apt. I have no idea if the car will even crank in the morning for work but that's another day and today has had enough of its own junk.
When I finally get back I realize I will need to get outside and do something physical to calm my nerves so I decide to go for a little bike ride. In the car on the way back I was just remarking to Chelsea how we didn't get any rain like the weather people said we would. I'm about a mile from my apt, almost finished with my bike ride, when a large bolt of lightning distracts my focus for a second, I hit a curb just wrong and go flying through the air. Luckily, I managed to tuck and roll and land in the grass almost unscathed, but I'm all covered in dirt and grass stained up. There are a million people on the parkway and at the gas station who must have seen my wreck so I jump up and dust myself off and jump back on my bike, only to discover that my back tire is flat. Still, I rode the jewel about a quarter of a mile with the flat tire trying to be all nonchalant and then I walked her all the way in, just seconds before the rain came.
Life's tough, get a helmet!
It wasn't even as bad as all that. My friend Chelsea and I headed downtown in rush hour traffic to go to the friends and family event of my boyfriend's new restaurant opening. It's like 100 degrees in Texas this time of day in July so we are both hot and running the AC full blast so as not to show up as two separate puddles. Anyways, so the car is practically parked on the interstate for most of the trip and at red lights for the balance. The needle is dangling dangerously close to H for red hot, engine on fire. However, we make it there about six o'clock in tact and without blowing up the motor in my car. We walk in the restaurant which is wall to wall people, and we are immediately greeted by the other general manager working with Brian. I know its him even though we've never met, but he doesn't know its me. At least I don't think he does. He seems to stay right with us all through the restaurant and he's chatting it up. So I look at him for a minute and then I say like the Alabama blonde I am, "What's your name?" He says Ashton and extends his hand. I say I'm Katie, and then pause because I don't want to have to say Brian's girlfriend because that sounds stupid to me, so I just say Brian has told me a lot about you." I'm so not playing with a full deck.
Anyways, Chelsea and I miraculously manage to find a small booth and we sit and eat with Brian fetching us everything we need. He's a total sweetheart. We leave in good time, but the car which I've decided is now called Vicky, just like the GPS inside her, is not ready. Anyways, I crank her and she's all but coughing up blood. I never thought we would make it back to Plano but the last thing I wanted was to breakdown in Brian's restaurant parking lot on the day of the opening in my ancient car. I would have been mortified. I didnt care where I broke down as long as it wasn't there, so we get going with windows down and air off this time and backroads instead of the interstate and manage by the grace of God to make it back to my apt. I have no idea if the car will even crank in the morning for work but that's another day and today has had enough of its own junk.
When I finally get back I realize I will need to get outside and do something physical to calm my nerves so I decide to go for a little bike ride. In the car on the way back I was just remarking to Chelsea how we didn't get any rain like the weather people said we would. I'm about a mile from my apt, almost finished with my bike ride, when a large bolt of lightning distracts my focus for a second, I hit a curb just wrong and go flying through the air. Luckily, I managed to tuck and roll and land in the grass almost unscathed, but I'm all covered in dirt and grass stained up. There are a million people on the parkway and at the gas station who must have seen my wreck so I jump up and dust myself off and jump back on my bike, only to discover that my back tire is flat. Still, I rode the jewel about a quarter of a mile with the flat tire trying to be all nonchalant and then I walked her all the way in, just seconds before the rain came.
Life's tough, get a helmet!
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Healing
You are not sick. I don't care what your symptoms are. I don't care how you feel. I don't care what you've been diagnosed with. You are not sick. God healed you when he died for you on the cross. However, you have to claim the power of that healing.
No one gets to decide your health besides you and God. I've decided I'm not going to be sick and I've decided I'm not going to a doctor. God is my Great Physician. What more do I need? Do I need to put more faith in an earthly man and allow him to use my body like some chemistry experiment for the latest potion that the drug companies have concocted for him to pass out? Not hardly! Will I live and die according to some man's best guess on what's wrong with me or what will fix me? No, thanks.
I will live and die by faith in the Lord. If I'm wrong and I die of some simple disease that could have been cured by modern medicine, I'm gonna go home anyways and at least I won't have sat in fear and worry waiting for it to kill me, which is what so many people do after the doctor hands them their death sentence. There are a great many people who have lived on simply because they didn't let someone tell them that something was killing them.
The devil is a thief and a liar. He will steal your health, your joy, and your life if you let him because he knows he cannot steal your soul if you belong to the Heavenly Father. Your physical body, however, is of this world and he will bring hell to it if you don't guard yourself. He attacks your body through your mind. He gives you a slight physical manifestation, a symptom, if you will. It can be anything...a sore throat, a fever, swollen gland, pain in the side, irregular heart beat, a rash, and the list goes on. The devil is not without power here, and he has so much more of it than we give him credit for. It's not that he's not a good ventiliquist and puppeteer. He can do all this, and you won't see his lips move and you won't see the strings.
What we must remember is that while it's a very good act, it is nothing more than an act for Christians. Jesus Christ beat him and every demon and power he has on the cross. Therefore, the devil has NO power to determine your reality. He will do his best to convince you that you are very sick and there's something bad wrong with you and that if you don't get yourself to the doctor quick you will ultimately get worse and/or....GASP....DIE. Do not be afraid of death. We are immortal!
This is how easily the devil can take you out of this world if you let him. You get cold like symptoms. At first, you think its just a cold and you take over the counter medicine (first mistake). You don't get better. In fact, you get much worse. You've got a throat that burns, you've got a fever, you've got major fatigue and chills, you don't feel like eating, you feel dehydrated and exhausted. You go to the doctor (second mistake). They put you on antibiotics (third mistake). You don't get better so you go back to this same doctor and he gives you a different antibiotic (fourth mistake). You don't get better so he says he needs to check on your immune system (fifth mistake). Now, the Devil has you poised and ready to get some major disease that he can kill you with. What do we think when our immune system is not top knotch? HIV, cancer, heart failure, etc. Now he has you running scared.
This could be a crucial turning point. Why don't you stop at this point and tell the devil that you are not going to die. There is nothing wrong with you or your immune system except that your body had a pretty strong devil induced annoyance, and your body and your God would have fixed it except for two things. Number 1: you jacked up your body's abilities to heal itself by drugging it up. Number 2: you didn't seek your Heavenly Physician, you sought your earthly one. What good has he done you? Did he cure you? No, because he's a man and a man cannot in his own strength beat the devil, no matter how badly he wants to. This is because he has neither the strength nor the knowledge, and he usually has no clue what he's fighting or what his weapons are.
Here's the thing. The devil can make Christians "feel" sick. He can create symptoms and physical manifestations of sickness, but he cannot determine your reality if you won't let him. Therefore, when the devil shows you a sore throat, a fever, high blood pressure, irregular heart beat, high cholesterol... whatever the case may be tell him you are hip to his plan and you aren't buying it. Tell the devil...you are a thief and a liar and you do NOT get to determine the course of my life. I will not live in fear because you show me some symptoms of death. I will not get all frightened and run off to some modern doctor, who is really just a potion man with a lab coat instead of a bone through his nose.
I vote we tell the devil where to stick it. I vote we tell him, I see your numbness in my face radiating into my left arm. I raise you a BRING IT ON. I'm going to pray for my healing and know that if you do succeed in destroying this earthly body that the joke is on you because I'm going home and in the meantime I'm going to torture you by living in faith rather than worry and sickness. After all, the potion man can't cure us. He can only mitigate some of the symptoms some of the time, while giving us new ones (side effects) all along and telling us what to fear by telling us what we are dying from.
I'm not dying. Is my earthly body wasting away? Absolutely! Am I scared? No!
When its done wasting away to the point it is no longer functional, I'm going home. Right now, I'm going to live strong and healthy in the power of my God and I'm going to be every bit as happy as I would be if I weren't worrying about what other shoe the devil is about to drop on me. The devil will drop a bomb on you whenever he gets the chance, but your Savior is more powerful than all these things. Do not be afraid to look the devil in the face and laugh at him as you stand in the shadow of your Father's wings.
No one gets to decide your health besides you and God. I've decided I'm not going to be sick and I've decided I'm not going to a doctor. God is my Great Physician. What more do I need? Do I need to put more faith in an earthly man and allow him to use my body like some chemistry experiment for the latest potion that the drug companies have concocted for him to pass out? Not hardly! Will I live and die according to some man's best guess on what's wrong with me or what will fix me? No, thanks.
I will live and die by faith in the Lord. If I'm wrong and I die of some simple disease that could have been cured by modern medicine, I'm gonna go home anyways and at least I won't have sat in fear and worry waiting for it to kill me, which is what so many people do after the doctor hands them their death sentence. There are a great many people who have lived on simply because they didn't let someone tell them that something was killing them.
The devil is a thief and a liar. He will steal your health, your joy, and your life if you let him because he knows he cannot steal your soul if you belong to the Heavenly Father. Your physical body, however, is of this world and he will bring hell to it if you don't guard yourself. He attacks your body through your mind. He gives you a slight physical manifestation, a symptom, if you will. It can be anything...a sore throat, a fever, swollen gland, pain in the side, irregular heart beat, a rash, and the list goes on. The devil is not without power here, and he has so much more of it than we give him credit for. It's not that he's not a good ventiliquist and puppeteer. He can do all this, and you won't see his lips move and you won't see the strings.
What we must remember is that while it's a very good act, it is nothing more than an act for Christians. Jesus Christ beat him and every demon and power he has on the cross. Therefore, the devil has NO power to determine your reality. He will do his best to convince you that you are very sick and there's something bad wrong with you and that if you don't get yourself to the doctor quick you will ultimately get worse and/or....GASP....DIE. Do not be afraid of death. We are immortal!
This is how easily the devil can take you out of this world if you let him. You get cold like symptoms. At first, you think its just a cold and you take over the counter medicine (first mistake). You don't get better. In fact, you get much worse. You've got a throat that burns, you've got a fever, you've got major fatigue and chills, you don't feel like eating, you feel dehydrated and exhausted. You go to the doctor (second mistake). They put you on antibiotics (third mistake). You don't get better so you go back to this same doctor and he gives you a different antibiotic (fourth mistake). You don't get better so he says he needs to check on your immune system (fifth mistake). Now, the Devil has you poised and ready to get some major disease that he can kill you with. What do we think when our immune system is not top knotch? HIV, cancer, heart failure, etc. Now he has you running scared.
This could be a crucial turning point. Why don't you stop at this point and tell the devil that you are not going to die. There is nothing wrong with you or your immune system except that your body had a pretty strong devil induced annoyance, and your body and your God would have fixed it except for two things. Number 1: you jacked up your body's abilities to heal itself by drugging it up. Number 2: you didn't seek your Heavenly Physician, you sought your earthly one. What good has he done you? Did he cure you? No, because he's a man and a man cannot in his own strength beat the devil, no matter how badly he wants to. This is because he has neither the strength nor the knowledge, and he usually has no clue what he's fighting or what his weapons are.
Here's the thing. The devil can make Christians "feel" sick. He can create symptoms and physical manifestations of sickness, but he cannot determine your reality if you won't let him. Therefore, when the devil shows you a sore throat, a fever, high blood pressure, irregular heart beat, high cholesterol... whatever the case may be tell him you are hip to his plan and you aren't buying it. Tell the devil...you are a thief and a liar and you do NOT get to determine the course of my life. I will not live in fear because you show me some symptoms of death. I will not get all frightened and run off to some modern doctor, who is really just a potion man with a lab coat instead of a bone through his nose.
I vote we tell the devil where to stick it. I vote we tell him, I see your numbness in my face radiating into my left arm. I raise you a BRING IT ON. I'm going to pray for my healing and know that if you do succeed in destroying this earthly body that the joke is on you because I'm going home and in the meantime I'm going to torture you by living in faith rather than worry and sickness. After all, the potion man can't cure us. He can only mitigate some of the symptoms some of the time, while giving us new ones (side effects) all along and telling us what to fear by telling us what we are dying from.
I'm not dying. Is my earthly body wasting away? Absolutely! Am I scared? No!
When its done wasting away to the point it is no longer functional, I'm going home. Right now, I'm going to live strong and healthy in the power of my God and I'm going to be every bit as happy as I would be if I weren't worrying about what other shoe the devil is about to drop on me. The devil will drop a bomb on you whenever he gets the chance, but your Savior is more powerful than all these things. Do not be afraid to look the devil in the face and laugh at him as you stand in the shadow of your Father's wings.
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