The Southern Way

I grew up in Alabama. I'm living in Texas. It's not the same.
Southerners, those from the Southeast, not the Southwest, as Texans still think they are Southern, have a way all their own.

Southerners are independent, stubborn, and proud as hell. We have this I can do it all on my own and take on the whole world while doing it attitude. It's this concept that I don't need anything from anyone and don't want to be a burden anyways.

The flip side of that is that no one in the South wants you to feel like a burden. They won't make you ask for help. Because they love and care about you, they'll take notice of your needs and just get it taken care of. They won't make you reach out and humble yourself to the point of saying I can't do this or I need help with that. Because they know you'd rather do without and endure any hardship to avoid that, and that if they have to ask you to do something for them that it won't mean anything. They know you have the same needs they do and that if you wanted to help them you'd have done it already. They don't want you to help them begrundingly and they'd rather eat shit and die than be your charity case. As a result, a Southern person will help the stupid SOB who won't ask for help and never mention having done it and not even expect a thank you.

The interaction goes a little something like this:
"You didn't have to do that. I could have taken care of that myself."
"I know. I just saw it needing doing and felt like doing it.

As you can see, much of what is transpiring goes unsaid. The emotion is lacking entirely from the conversation, but there is so much heart in what took place there that I don't know that outsiders can really get a feel for it.

Many Southerners don't really own anything of value. Therefore, the value is in the way they live and treat each other. Life becomes about how you can prove yourself a good man or woman and how you love those around you. Life is not about what you drive, earn, live in, or own. It's not about what you have or who you're trying to become. It's about what you give away and who you are. It's about who trusts and believes in you and what you believe in.

I was born and raised there. I'll you to my dying day that I don't need help with anything. That doesn't mean I don't want help and it doesn't mean I wouldn't let you help me.
It means I want you to recognize the need and never think of me as a burden, but think of it as a joy to do things for me because you care enough about me. On the outside, I'm a hard ass, but about six layers deep I have a heart of gold. Is it easy to get down there to see that? Hell no! I'll fight you every step of the way. Why? Because where I come from, people don't expect life to be easy, and the things worth fighting for are the only things worth having anyways. So why would I give you that which is valuable to me if you don't value it enough to fight for it?

I like Texas pretty well and I'm happy out here, but I miss feeling safe the way I do when I'm in the company of true Southerners. In my mind, heaven is being surrounded by a handful of people whose lives are lived to serve and please God, and whose goal is to figure out how to treat one another better. It seems like most of the people I've met out here live their lives only to have one experience after another, just to say I did that, I tried that. That's their definition of being alive, and their interaction with one another is not about being better to each other it's about trying to get the better of one another.

They never ask themselves of what value their expereiences are. They never ask whether it would be pleasing to God, whether they'd learn anything, or in any way enrich those around them. To me, they live their lives for no greater purpose than their own pleasure, and because of this I don't trust them and I feel like I spend my time in their company on the defensive. I feel like they wait to terrorize me and rip me limb from limb, just for the experience of it.

The people I've met out here seem to think you back your friends no matter what. I don't believe in that. I believe when they are wrong, you say their wrong. I believe you love them enough to make them experience the pain of growing into a better person. I believe we are a reflection of those we spend our time with. Therefore, if we don't reflect light back to one another, even when it burns, that we'll all walk in darkness.

I want to spend my time with people whose esteem I'm trying to be good enough to earn, rather than to spend my time with people I'm trying to be bad enough to impress.