I learned today that donkeys protect their land. They stomp snakes too death and they can scare off packs of coyotes. They and deer are friends.
Donkeys have no resources that would indicate they could do this. They are not especially fast or ferocious. They have no tusks or horns or sharp teeth. They have no special sight or vision or hearing. They aren't even especially heavy like elephants. They have have no sharp claws or quills or a wicked bad stench like a skunk. They have no camouflage, they can't fly and they aren't climbers. They aren't even capable of the element of surprise.
They love to be with their owners.
I want to be Christ's donkey. I want to be discerning enough to recognize those who would harm me and those who would befriend me like a deer. I want to spend time with those I love and fight to protect what we hold dear. If nothing else, donkeys are fearless and faithful. They don't sit around and get gobbled up because of their lack of power. They just dig in and hold their ground and get it done.
I want to love to spend time with the owner of my soul and everlasting life, my Lord and my God.
To want nothing more than this, the world will view me as a jackass. God will view me as his true and faithful servant.
That being said, I want to be a jackass cause this jackass is not home until heaven so what I need to be protecting is not here but there.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
YOU ARE NOT DONE
The story goes a little something like this... I have a friend who has a husband whose cousin committed suicide. This cousin has two teenage daughters, one of whom saw her mom take her own life.
This is the kind of story that doesn't easily leave your mind once it's been communicated to you. As is often the case with the things on our mind, they come out of our mouths. I mentioned it to my boss at work and she said, "those girls are done....they're done."
I remember thinking yeah they are...they are scarred for life. That's not something you can get over.
I told my friend Brittany I would pray for the family. In trying to pray, all I found myself wanting to do is write the girls a letter or just scream out: You're not done!!!
You are in shock and an unimaginable and unfathomable grief. I can't begin to put myself where you are and wouldn't know how to move forward after what you've been through. What I do know is you won't make it alone. You're grief and confusion and anger and self blame and doubt and psychological insecurities will eat you alive.
Go to God. Lay everything at the cross of Christ and tell him you cannot do this. You will not do this alone. You don't feel strong enough to stand and you aren't. God will carry you. Will you instantly feel better because you sought him? No, no you won't. What you will do is get up every day and breathe in and out. You will struggle and you will hurt and it will be hard. This will go on for what we feel like an eternity and then one day you will realize you weren't quite as numb and you didn't hurt quite as bad today and you can even look back and think of a fond memory from the day for the first time in so long you began to wonder if you could still form happy memories.
You will go through the motions of your life and you will still continue to be productive, but you will feel like you are living outside yourself just watching your former self live your life.
You will have to surround yourself with people who love your God. These may be family members, friends, members of the church, teachers, etc. These people will listen to you, help you, guide you, cry with you and they will REFUSE to let you go down the wrong path no matter how many times they have to pull you up out of the mud and out of your self pity.
These people are essential but they are not your foundation. Jesus is your only solid rock to build upon. All else is sinking sand. If you have a strong foundation you can replace faulty stones without doing damage to the integrity of the structure. Remember that people will sometimes let you down. Let not your faith be shaken by this. They were never meant to be where you seek your worth or the meaning of life. Always seek strong human bonds and relationships but always know that God is the source of all love and life. People do not fail you because they don't love or care about you. People fail you because mankind has fallen and we are all an imperfect people doing the best we can, which will always fall short of our Glorious God but which in no way diminishes his power or his love.
You are hurt and you are broken, but none fall so far that their Heavenly Father cannot come to their aid and mend them. You can be healed and restored. YOU ARE NOT DONE! God will you give you the strength to survive this. However, that strength will only be strong enough for the current day so live it one day at time. Each day has enough pain and worry of its own without borrowing from the future.
This is the kind of story that doesn't easily leave your mind once it's been communicated to you. As is often the case with the things on our mind, they come out of our mouths. I mentioned it to my boss at work and she said, "those girls are done....they're done."
I remember thinking yeah they are...they are scarred for life. That's not something you can get over.
I told my friend Brittany I would pray for the family. In trying to pray, all I found myself wanting to do is write the girls a letter or just scream out: You're not done!!!
You are in shock and an unimaginable and unfathomable grief. I can't begin to put myself where you are and wouldn't know how to move forward after what you've been through. What I do know is you won't make it alone. You're grief and confusion and anger and self blame and doubt and psychological insecurities will eat you alive.
Go to God. Lay everything at the cross of Christ and tell him you cannot do this. You will not do this alone. You don't feel strong enough to stand and you aren't. God will carry you. Will you instantly feel better because you sought him? No, no you won't. What you will do is get up every day and breathe in and out. You will struggle and you will hurt and it will be hard. This will go on for what we feel like an eternity and then one day you will realize you weren't quite as numb and you didn't hurt quite as bad today and you can even look back and think of a fond memory from the day for the first time in so long you began to wonder if you could still form happy memories.
You will go through the motions of your life and you will still continue to be productive, but you will feel like you are living outside yourself just watching your former self live your life.
You will have to surround yourself with people who love your God. These may be family members, friends, members of the church, teachers, etc. These people will listen to you, help you, guide you, cry with you and they will REFUSE to let you go down the wrong path no matter how many times they have to pull you up out of the mud and out of your self pity.
These people are essential but they are not your foundation. Jesus is your only solid rock to build upon. All else is sinking sand. If you have a strong foundation you can replace faulty stones without doing damage to the integrity of the structure. Remember that people will sometimes let you down. Let not your faith be shaken by this. They were never meant to be where you seek your worth or the meaning of life. Always seek strong human bonds and relationships but always know that God is the source of all love and life. People do not fail you because they don't love or care about you. People fail you because mankind has fallen and we are all an imperfect people doing the best we can, which will always fall short of our Glorious God but which in no way diminishes his power or his love.
You are hurt and you are broken, but none fall so far that their Heavenly Father cannot come to their aid and mend them. You can be healed and restored. YOU ARE NOT DONE! God will you give you the strength to survive this. However, that strength will only be strong enough for the current day so live it one day at time. Each day has enough pain and worry of its own without borrowing from the future.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Plan
1) Work from 7:30-5:30 (5:15 on Rangers game days)
2) Spend 30 minutes outside
3) Spend 15 minutes in God's word and 15 minutes talking to God
4) Spend 30 minutes reading something else
5) Spend 30 minutes focusing on others - could be child sponsorship, volunteering, watching the news
6) Spend 30 minutes with my husband
Sunday, April 03, 2011
God's Breaking My Heart for the Things That Break His
I feel like lately I get emotional about things that have no direct impact on me. I feel like I am most emotional over my self centered focus. For awhile now, I have this strong feeling that God is telling me to cut the chaff. I need to start cutting off things in my life that don't matter. I seriously need to be limiting tv and facebook time. I need to start making serious goals for myself centered around using my time to engage in things that would please God. I need to learn how to give until it hurts and pour out my time and money for Him.
I need to be researching where God needs me to give my time and money and how I can use my strengths and gifts to be his hands and feet and love poured out on those around me.
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