Evan and Jaron understand

Dating. Haha. I've done a ton of that lately. J/K. There doesn't seem to be any point in it. I mean really. It seems like no matter where I'm living or where the guy is living when the thing starts out, either he or I or both of us will be in two completely different cities further away then when it got started before long. It's even like that with guys I just think about dating.

First off, I was in Birmingham and he was there too.
Then I was in Troy and he is was still in Birmingham.

Secondly, he was in Tuscaloosa and I was in Troy.
Then he was in Destin and I was in Troy.

Thirdly, finally, we are both in Troy.
Then, he is in Montgomery and I'm in Birmingham.

Now I'm in Troy and soon I'll be in Texas.

Just once, I would like a dating relationship of mine to run from beginning to end, having never ended over anything to do with distance.

I'm really good at the long distance relationship. I'm not needy or clingy and I don't mind traveling and have no problem trusting someone or getting them to trust me. Ideally though, the distance would lessen not become greater.

Special is every day not called holiday

As everyone close to me has been hearing for the past several weeks, I hate the holidays!! It is just this wretched time of year other people declared to be special a long time ago. I think it just stresses most people out and depresses the rest. It's either people don't have enough money or time to buy presents for everyone they feel obligated to or they don't have anything great to do with fun people or they have to work and can't be with their families.

During all the time when we lived in Gardendale and it could have been fun, my mom has had to work. Now that we are living in a cracker jack box of a house, she is finally off for Chistmas. Our family is tiny, so it will basically just be me, my parents, and my unpleasant grandparents who don't have a single nice or loving thing to say to anyone. I'm too old to care about presents and I hate holiday food. Plus, Christmas is lousy because all anyone does is lay around and eat and there is nowhere to go because everything is closed and you can't escape with your friends because they are all engrossed in their families whether they want to be or not. Then there is nothing to watch on TV save for the same three Christmas movies shown on marathon mode.

New Year's isn't any better. We have been conditioned to believe that we what do for New Year's and who we spend it with sets the tone for the rest of the year. It makes me worry about myself. I never seem to be able to find anything fun to do or friends, though I have plenty of them, to spend it with.

I love my family and I love my Savior but I hate the holidays! Every other day that hasn't been named a holiday/ "special occasion" always seems to be a pretty damned good day because then people just do what they want to do with who they want to do it with, minus the bullshit and the obligation.

Think about it: Big holidays like Christmas, New Year's, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc are the only days that make you feel like you are supposed to be doing something in particular with particular people instead of doing what you would ordinarily be doing. If you aren't ordinarily a good person having a good time with people you love then some select days on a calendar are not going to save you from yourself.

Funny but if on Christmas I was to sit around in my room eating a hot pocket drinking some beer and watching good old movies, then I'm considered to be a sad lonely miserable person, but if I were to do that any other day people would just think I was just kicking back relaxing.

Special to me is unplanned. Special is what develops when were you weren't planning anything. Special is spur of the moment fun times together and spur of the moment joyfulness and thoughtfulness. Special is not going through the same motions every year because a day on the calendar is designated as special.

Special is what every day feels like to me that isn't called holiday:
-Special is not coming home for Christmas. It's I have a big interview coming up and I want to be home with mom and dad for counsel and moral support.
-Special is not Christmas presents. It's a friend who gives you a big plastic tub for a gift because you're moving.
-Special is not baked holiday goodies. It's a roommate who makes you homemade mac and cheese and cookies when your drunk and cinnamon rolls when you're cramming for an exam.
-Special is not Christmas dinner. It is family turkey helper nights with my married best friends
-Special is not the last minute dash to pick up a Christmas present. It is going out and getting fourth meal in the middle of the night with best friends.
-Special is not Chrismas decorations. Special is lighting up the whole house and decorating it top to bottom for a suprise birthday party.

Superman dressed as Tarzan

I'm gonna love you better than anyone else
I'm gonna hold you in the highest regard every day
I'm gonna swallow my pride in each and every way
And do my best to always speak the words I should say.

So don't tell me that you're Superman
Don't tell me that you're strong as Tarzan
Just tell me that you'll be my man
Baby, by taking my hand

Then Tell me that you won't go
Unless it's with the flow
Tell me that you'll stay
And you'll never go astray

Tell me you won't let me leave
But that you'll always believe
We weren't meant to be
Even when it's not what you see.

I'm gonna love you better than anyone else
I'm gonna hold you in the highest regard every day
I'm gonna swallow my pride in each and every way
And do my best to always speak the words I should say.

lies and shadows

I am getting my ass kicked! I'm not battleready! I'm a sorry ass excuse for a soldier today. Today, Lord, I need you to drag my wounded ass off the field. Lord, I have gone into battle without my armor and I'm not even swinging my sword. I have it sitting on my hip and am walking around in a daze.
I've been in a bad mood with a bad attitude for weeks now. "Oh," I cry, "I'm the weakened victim!" I'm letting the demons ride me. I'm allowing them to have power over me. I'm letting them sit there, one on each shoulder, and whisper lies into my ears. I'm letting them rob me of my God-given peace and joy! Hell, if you are going to let someone lie to you at least make it good news!
I said to God, I'm still using my sword; I'm still in your word. He quickly made clear to me, however, that carrying the sword around is not the same thing as using it. "Great! You know my words? Use them!" said the Lord. "They are powerful! They are timeless!"

Lord, I've been out there trying to live my life on my own again as though I have some clue as to what I want or what I need. I know neither! I know that you are synonymous with life for me. As soon as I lose track of you, I begin dying all over again. I have no light to shine without you. All I can do is reflect you, and when I'm not doing that I'm cloaked in darkness, evil, and failure.

Lord, I don't do the victim well and I don't do failure well. I was created to shine, and the only way that I can do that is to reflect you. If anything about me is good and alive and spirited and infectious, it's you! The light in my eyes and my carefree dancing around like a fool and my sideways grin and the days when I can do little more than laugh and run and soak up the sunshine-that's all you!

Lord, forgive me for listening to the lies of demons. Forgive me for believing them. Forgive me for ever lacking confidence and peace. Forgive me for all the days I wallow in stress or self pity. Forgive me for all the days when I don't laugh and dance and make music and spread your peace and joy into everyone I come in contact with. Forgive me for allowing my focus to be on me rather than you and everyone who needs to feel your love. Forgive me for concerning myself with what in this world is real besides you. All other things are just shadows.

Forgive me for not praising your name every single moment of the day because I am young and healthy and loved by so many. I can run and jump and leap and dance and shout, and my life is brimming over with blessings and opportunities. I have no right to be anything other than happy as a lark and humbled by your grace.

Teach me, Father, that I have no real problems, and teach me to believe every single one of your promises with my heart rather than my head so that it may be "credited to me as righteousness."

weakness everlasting

I want to learn how to put on the full armor of God. With it, I will learn how to stand- after everything to stand. I will wear the belt of truth and the helmet of salvation. I will fit my feet with the readiness that comes with the gospel of peace. Also, I will don the breastplace of righteousness and the shield of faith. Sounds like good protection and perfect defenses, doesn't it? However, I only have one weapon. The only weapon I have as a Christian is the Sword of the Spirit: The Word of God! But what else could I need? This was the only weapon Christ ever used against the devil. When tempted by the devil, Jesus simply quoted the words of his father. That's all we ever need to do to tap into the insurmountable power of God. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

Though I wish I were the embodiment of strength, I am nothing but weakness everlasting. For this reason, I thank God that his strength is perfected in my weakness. I doubt and I fear and I worry. I suffer the betrayal of friends. I criticize and I judge. I forgive and I do not remain angry, but I still judge and critize. If anyone in this world seeks to hurt me, I can assure them they will have no trouble. I will trust with the innocence of a child every time. I don't do it because I'm stupid, but because despite everything I can't help but believe that humanity is better than intentionally seeking to hurt others. I don't worry about having my heart ripped out time after time because since I will never fully give it to anyone but God that can't really happen. I can get hurt and bruised and take a real beating out there, but God will attend to my wounds and clean me up. I only have one weapon after all, which is His word. In it, he promises me that I will never be alone and that "the only thing that matters is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:6)

Despite that, I can't feel sorry for my enemies. I can be kind to them as the Bible instructs me, but I haven't figured out how to pity them. If nothing else, I know I should pity the absence of God in their lives for that must be hell on earth, yet I blame them for choosing the path of greatest destruction to themselves. Why is it that those people who are hardest to love really are the ones most in need of it? God, is it possible for us to love the devil out of them? Or should we stay at a distance and just try to pray it out of them? Or should it be a combination of the two?

I still have not learned that it's not about me. Those who hurt me do so because they have not love. I still have not learned the balance between turning the other cheek, forgiving those who persecute me, and avoiding tossing my pearls to swine. I still have not learned that the only strength that matters to God is giving myself to others in service.

I still have not learned how to separate dignity and foolish pride. I also don't know the difference between false hope and the real thing. I don't know when it's best to let my heart and my gut instincts lead and to silence logic and reason. I don't know when to fight and when to quit. I don't know when to hold on and when to let go. I don't know when to stay and when to go. If everything is going the way it should, will there still be pain associated with the experience? And if so, why? Do our emotions often betray us? Or are they our true north? Caught betwixt emotion and logic, I do not know which should govern.

I know that "there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak...(Ecclesiastes 3:8). I just wish I didn't feel like God had left it so much in my hands to figure out which time was which.

Even if must live my life continously deprived of that which my heart desires, God, I will yet trust you, follow you; I will always seek you. I pray that this is faith because it is my only understanding of it.

Today I am a prisoner of my pride, but I pray it won't always be this way. Maybe one day I will be strong enough to be ridiculous in full view of the whole world and not give a shit about what they think about my weakness or my stength.

The C Word

I was watching a random commercial the other day and I had a strange thought. The commercial was for some battle of the sexes games and one of the questions was what are the three C's of ring buying? Somehow or another I got to thinking about all the words that start with C. I'm starting to think all the really important things in life do start with a C.

For instance,

Christ--SAVIOR!!
Cross--best/worst thing ever!
Christian--saved by grace!
Charity --giving of oneself
Conviction --knowing what's right
Commitment --faithfulness
Choices--opportunities
Comfort--great word!
Conversation--i love to talk!
Chuckles--laughing is imperative
Cheerfulness-having a nice life
Charisma--drawing others to you
Conflict--something to occupy you
Competition--makes you better
Compassion-- teaches you to love others
Competence--ability
Compliments--warm fuzzies
Change--reason to get up in the morning
Champion--top dawg!
Challenge--something to strive for
Courage--inner strength
Companions--friends and loved ones
Comrades--buddies
Capability--you can do it!
Craziness--what could be better?
Comedy--everything is so funny
Conscience--guide to help you
Connection--bond with others
Caution--wise decisions
Curves--attraction
Cuddling--too sweet
Chocolate--tastes too good
Caffeine--for sleepy days
Climax--you know
Caring--what we were put here for
Credibility--believable
Concerts--good music
Colas--coke
Cheribum--angels
Chariots--pedestal for mere mortals
Concentration--focus
Coping--making it through
Chilling --relaxing
Chances--risk taking
Careers--something to do
Cars--how to get around
Cats--best animals ever!
Cerveza--okay so I cheated!!
Coast--love to be by the ocean
Chemistry--what relationship gets by without it?
Clothes--make me so happy
Copies--for when you mess up or want to share
Candy--goes without saying
Cupcakes--need i say it?
Cease--cut it out!
Creeps--something to call those who don't know when to cease
cash--makes the world go round
Civility--what makes it possible for us all to live together

alternate ending

The value of an alternate ending lies in the possibilities. I love a movie that comes with alternate endings. I've never seen one that I preferred to the original ending. Most of the time the alternate endings aren't very well done and some of them aren't even plausible. In fact, I can't think of a single one I've seen that I would have put in the movie in lieu of the original.

However, I still love the alternate endings. There is just something so exciting about thinking that the same story could have ended in a totally different way. I know that when scenes in the movie of my life don't end quite as I would have liked them to, I always come up with an alternate ending. Somehow devising an alternate ending just seems more hopeful, less written in stone, less permanent and finalized.

If I had the power to make my life embody the alternate ending I have imagined, I would most likely would choose not to, but just knowing the possibility was there-- that if some event had played out differently it would have completely changed the ending-- is mystical and exciting to me.

The funny thing about alternate endings is to make the story end differently you have to change something in the middle or the beginning. I find that most often I'm not willing to sacrifice the other parts of the story in order to change the ultimate outcome.

It's not that its possible, but I love the romantic ideal of having a moment with the power to stand alone, not connected to the past or the future. I love the concept that something can be beautiful in and of itself lacking the baggage of the past and the strings of the future.

Unfortunately, just as we have seen from movies like Back to the Future and Deja Vu, it seems inevitable that if we change something in the beginning of the story, the end invariably changes, and most often, not in the way we meant it to. By changing the end of one event, we have tampered with the beginning of another.

It is these circumstances that make me wish that, like the movies, we could watch the alternate endings of the scenes of our lives, without having to replace the original ending. After all, the alternate ending in the movies is an entertaining bonus of the movie that is disconnected from the movie itself, except for carrying over the information needed to give it whatever value it does possess.

seventh grade

I wish the seventh grade kids I work with weren’t mean to each other.

I wish people realized the influence they have on each other and that the ones that were so influenced knew how little what those people thought of them mattered. For instance, it doesn’t matter what people who are willing to make fun of others think because they are obviously lacking all the qualities of a truly valuable person such as tact, compassion, respect, and education.

I hear these kids calling each other fat and spreading rumors about one another, accusing twins of incestuous relations and it makes me mad. First off because they don’t have the right to make life harder on this earth for one another. Secondly, because kids who can’t write or speak properly and can scarcely spell haven’t earned the right to evaluate the lives of others.

When I was in about eighth grade, a kid at the lockers called me fat and it has taken me a long time to get over a simple comment like that. If I had better understood what motivated him to say something like that when all a comment like that does is serve to make someone else feel bad, I would have said I’m sorry your parents didn’t love you well enough that your happiness comes from the inside rather than your having to obtain it by trying to steal some of mine. However, that would have been a mouthful for an eighth grader!

These kids are going nowhere fast and they haven’t a clue what it will take to be successful in this world nor do they have the skills. I’m trying to explain to them that outside of school no one cares who you can beat up. They let everyone control them because they allow every one around them to anger them and do it easily over the things that are not the marrow of life.

I’ve always known I’ve never wanted to be a teacher because it’s so much like continuously watching car crashes in the making, knowing what’s needed to prevent them, yet being powerless to stop them. All being the Reading Coach has taught me is what I already knew about me….I wasn’t meant to teach.

I think being a good parent is about one of the best contributions you can make to this world. Love your children no matter what, beat them when they are bad, play with them out in the yard, read to them, encourage them, inspire them, teach them something new every chance you get. You are their foundation and their only basis of support. If you don’t teach them that they are beautiful, talented, special, unique, strong, athletic, and smart they will never know it because that’s definitely not the message the world is sending them. People can’t aspire to a potential they don’t believe they have.

From the time I was born, my parents were constantly telling my brother and I that we were beautiful and athletic and smart. They just knew how to show us how well they loved us and to build us up constantly. There was nothing we didn’t try. We played all kinds of sports, we had lots of friends, and we made pretty decent grades. We were then and are now confident, happy, and well adjusted. We are not easily led and we always think for ourselves. My parents always put us first and sacrificed to give us a stable home life and to always make sure we knew we were safe and loved, though the world crashed down around us.

Most of the kids I work with don’t have the advantage of doting parents. Their parents are self seeking and worldly. Some of them are on drugs, many of them don’t spend any time with their kids, a lot of them probably never hear I love you; no one teaches them to be respectful or to work hard and get an education so as to make something out of themselves.

Consequently, these kids are in seventh grade and they can scarcely read or write. Their grammar and pronunciation is so poor that much of the time what they are saying is incomprehensible because they mutter, stutter, and stammer, and I must have them repeat what they are saying several times. However, they know more about drugs, fighting, and sex that I know at twice their age. I suppose all of that makes you cooler in seventh grade but it doesn’t give you any points on a college exam, on a resume, or in a job interview. I guess they know all they will ever need to know to be employee of the month at some minimum wage job or be the best inmate on their cell block, but if they are looking for more than that, they are going to need to stop focusing on what’s wrong with their classmates and get their heads in the books and start thinking for themselves.

I could never be a good teacher because the only thing I would ever try to teach my students is their potential and how to live up to it, as well as how to love and accept one another. I would try to instill in them that it's better to walk through fire than to ever risk unnecessarily wounding another. And I'm pretty sure that I'm not qualified to teach those things.

Today, I'm thankful for my wonderful parents who told us that we possessed qualities we weren't worthy of so that we might rise up and attain them, and I am thankful for the many teachers I've had that kept working hard to fill the vessles of our minds, despite the odds.

estimating assets and liabilities

I challenge you to overestimate God. You will not be able to do it! For it is impossible; God is limitless--in love, power, forgiveness. His power in our lives is limitless so long as we don't put restrictions and conditions on him.

Our contract with God is an aleatory contract, which means that it is an exchange of unequal values. God gives us peace, power, and love without limits, as well as eternal life; all we give him is our filthy ragged orphan soul. Your soul is orphan before you give it to God because he is its father.

Our contract with God is also a contract of adhesion, meaning that only one party to the contract writes the terms and that's God. You can take it or leave it, but why would you leave it?

God is your only independent asset, with all other things you value in life worth nothing without him. Spend all your time overestimating God in as much as you can so that you can begin to catch a glimpse of all the splendor and majesty that comprises him.

Next, we move on to liability. Don't forget to estimate Satan. Don't underestimate him because he does have power over this world and power over you if you don't guard against him. That makes him a big risk. Identify your loss exposures. In which areas are you most prone to lose ground to Satan? Weigh his power and assess his strengths as your adversary. Then, use your pitiful overstimation of God's power to make Satan a footstool beneath your feet.

I call any overestimation of God's power pitiful. An overstimation of God is an oxymoron, which is the jamming together of two words that have nothing in common. The reason overestimating God is an oxymoron is because we are incapable of understanding all of God's capabilities and qualifications as our righteous King.

repentant heart

Blessed are those who struggle through this life, painfully standing out. Lord, bleesed are those cannot silence the differences you placed in their souls in order to conform to the dictates of this world. Blessed are those who know the turmoil of a life without you, who recognize what they are going through, and who turn back to the light. Blessed are we who have lived in disobedience to you and who have betrayed you though our actions. For it is we who have felt the your sweet forgiveness and learned the meaning of love unconditional.

Blessed are we who have stood toe to toe with Satan himself and used no strength of our own but rather the power of your name to vanquish him.

The Bible tells us that God would leave all his saints to go in search of one sheep who has gone astray. In fact, while Jesus was on earth, he somewhat neglected the righteous, knowing it was "the sick who needed a doctor"-the sinner who needed him most.

Also, Jesus knew that those who had the most to be forgiven for were the ones most grateful of his love and forgiveness.

The men in the Bible who could almost keep the law, aside from their inherent corruption as members of the human race, reveled in their own goodness while the most filthy of sinners praised Jesus for their salvation, washing his feet with their tears and drying them with the very hairs of their heads.

Because of this, God would prefer a repentant murderer, rapist, or homosexual to a missionary, nun, or preacher who lacks a repentant heart. While true that faith without works is dead and those who love the Lord will do as he has commanded us, you still cannot be good enough to earth the gift he has given us all or bad enough not to deserve it.

You can however be blind enough not to obtain it. Paul said, "of all sinners, I am the worst." Jesus did save Paul. Jesus saves this sinner every day.

I asked the Lord to let the wind blow and I got a tornado

Pslam 150:1 tells us to Praise him in His sanctuary. His sanctuary is a temple. My body has clearly been called His temple. Therefore, I am to praise Him in my body. Well, that means I will praise Him all the days I'm on the earth, dwelling in my mortal body.

I praise the Lord for granting me the desires of my heart. The Bible tells us the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts, and while I've never figured out if He inspires in us the things we want or He grants us the things our hearts already desire, I'm beginning to think it's a little of both.

I ask for things and believe it will done for me and alas it is. I say to the Lord, "I want this and it may be bad for me, but I still want it, Lord, and I can handle the consequences." However, I say, "even if I never get it that's okay but that doesn't change the fact that I want it." The Lord says, "here it is. Can you handle it?" I say, "yes, for you are still my Lord."

Lord, I'm astounded at how effeciently and exactly you have answered all my petitions.
I caution us all to be careful of what we pray for. The Lord is listening and sometimes he will knock you off your feet with how precise and quickly he moves. Do not hesitate to vocalize the desires of your heart for the Lord knows them anyways, be they good or bad, but be strong enough in your relationship with the Lord and in your focus upon him to handle what he sends.

After all, I asked God for excitement and power and for mystery and elation, and the next thing I knew I had a storm brewing on the horizon. The storm is the embodiment of all these things I asked for, but it is prudent to remember that I have no control over the storm and it has the power to destroy yme. Therefore, make sure that God is always waiting in the wings to quell the storm you begged him to unleash.

depending on the rock, give me rock bottom

For a second I thought Satan was stupid. I got to thinking if he would just allow us to be happy and at peace in our skin, we would never search for God, but then I realized he's not stupid, he's inept. After all, God designed us, leaving us with one major flaw. We have a huge whole in our composition. It is shaped like God, so Satan can't fill it, try as he might. In our lives, he is like a square peg meant for a round hole. Because of this, none of the pleasures of this world can satisfy our emptiness and longing.

For example, a kidnapper could treat you like royalty and give you all the material things you always desired, but all you would ever want is to return home and be with your family. If Satan has kidnapped your soul, nothing this world has to offer you will be enough to quell your overwhelming homesickness. That means other people, sex, and substances will not soothe you: currency and copulation will not correct you. There is no correlation between being joyful and this world's way.

Lord, every time I've ever hit rock bottom, I've found that you were the rock I was standing upon. Lord, when all is stripped away, you remain and because you do, so do I. And I always rise from my knees stronger than ever. Lord, lift us from rock bottom straight up to Paradise. There is nothing here worth stopping for; you are my home as well as my vacation destination. In you, I've found the love of home for my heart, broken by this world, and rest for my laborious soul, wearied from fighting the daily spiritual battles.

I could pretend to be noble and say I fight the battles for your Glory, but I doubt that would be true. You are steeped in Glory, my Lord! I think I fight to prove I'm yours, and share in the Glory of your Victory. I fight for the Spoils of War. I want your protection, your grace, your peace, your love, your kidness, your forgivness. These things you have promised me, my King, if I would but fight for your side. I feel most days like I contribute to the war effort in as much as a flag bearer would, but I carry it proudly to say, not that my Lord is here, but that I am with Him.

byproducts of god

A sick person will beat a sane person any day that the sane person engages them in pyschological warfare; the only way to truly win is to quit, knowing that you didn't lose anything because you stood to gain nothing. There are two types of risk: pure and speculative. With pure risk there are only two possible outcomes: loss or no loss. That means that even if you don't lose, you still aren't any better off than you were to begin with. However, with speculative risk, there are three possible outcomes: loss, no loss, or gain. If you are putting everything you are on the line for one thing, make sure you stand to gain.

We have nothing of value to give one another unless we have given what we have to God. He is what makes us valuable. He takes a heart of greed, anger, jealousy, and betrayal and fills it full of love, kidness, patience, fogiveness, and understanding.

Don't give me your valueless heart. Give it to God so you have something of value to give me. What am I looking for? The byproducts of God

discernment from the temple

Should not the architect that built the beautiful temple that is my body get to rejoice in it? How can God do that if I allow squatters to come in and trash the place and cause property values to plummit?

We are human and fragile and weak and the sons of satan are scavengers prowling the earth and finishing off all of us who are not standing on the promises of God. Therefore, I pray the spirit of discernment in our lives. Ever step we take in which we are not walking in the Lord is a faltering step. I pray that I be immobilized whenever I'm not walking in the Lord.

We sin out of fear. We sin because we don't trust God to deliver on his promises. We think, "I have to do this because I haven't heard anything out of God in awhile and 'what if...'"

I pray for all of us women, Lord. I pray that you put a force fieled of protection around our hearts. Do not let us be pursued by any man whose heart and soul do not belong to you first and foremost. Furthermore, should one begin to pursue, allow us the spirit of discernment to see past his charm into the ugliness of his sin, just as God does, and let us laugh in his face as he dances around in his mask believing we don't know his true identity and that his father is Satan and not you.

suspended from the heights of happiness

I wanted to update my status online so I put the first thing that came to mind. Where it says Katie is... I put suspended from the heights of happiness. At first, I thought well what does that mean? Then I thought, who cares? It sounds cool. However, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Then all of a sudden I realized that I truly am suspended from the heights of happiness. God has suspended us all from heaven down to earth. We have a direct line from heaven straight to earth through Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We aren't from here. We are aliens here. We are on loan from heaven to earth. We are like coast guards suspended from a helicopter cable who are to reach down into the depths of the turbulent and ferocious oceans and pluck souls out of the grips of death. Our cable will never give way and will always be strong enough to hold us and anyone we are willing to save. So as long as we are hanging around here, stuck between heaven and earth, we might as well steal a few over to the victory side. Christians are all stuck between heaven and earth. No, I don't mean purgatory. I mean "we are in the world but we are not of the world." "We are not to live as the world lives for we are children of God who are dearly loved. What does this mean to me? It means I don't fear the storms that claim the lives of others. My Heavenly Father proved that he could make the waves subside, even in his earthly body. I am suspended from the heights of happiness and the Holy Spirit, which lives in me is the umbilical cord which feeds that happiness through me. I am to love others we the same love which I have been shown and to forgive others with the same forgiveness with which my sins have been blotted out. Is this an easy task? Hell no! Sounds easy on paper, but the devil knows just how to distract you from your mission. It's scary out there. There is wind, waves, rain, hell, sleet, snow, lightning, and a million other hazards and perils out there. Be brave, but never hesitate to send out an S.O.S. to God.

mud and ants on the trail to any place beautiful

After a good run on a beautiful day, I decided to take a long cool down walk. Amazing discoveries awaited me. I found myself seeing things in places I had been a thousand times and failed to notice. I explored new trails which I had been only by and had never myself traversed. So I found turtles, and wonderful hills overlooking trees, and bridges and water. What did I gain along the way? I got mud on my shoes and ants crawling on my legs. Still, despite the mud and the ants, I wouldn't have missed the things I found.

God is taking care of me despite the mud and the ants along my trail. How do I know? Because a dear man has my name written in his Bible so he can remember to pray for me every now and then. Who knows how many secret guardian angels we all have in the world? Maybe there is always someone out there who is thinking of us and praying strength into our lives when we are no longer strong enough to ask for it. It is probably these miracles that give us the perseverance to trudge through the mud and brush away the ants in order to see all the beauty in the world.

It really is true what Tom Hanks' character says in Apollo 13: "You never know what events are going to transpire to get you home."

There are angels among us.

motivational appearances

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about motivations and appearances. I think we all tend to do things we know we can get away with. For instance, even if the motivation for our actions isn’t necessarily on the up and up, we don’t concern ourselves with that as long as we can get it to appear harmless. I recognize this as one of my weaknesses. I do this in incredibly small matters—things that even if you knew my motivations you wouldn’t fault me considerably for them. However, you aren’t my judge. God is. Lately, I’ve been thinking that if the motivation isn’t good and pure then it must be negative. If nothing else, it doesn’t originate with God so therefore it must be something worthy of changing. Recognizing this, I need to endeavor to stop doing things for which I question my motivation even for a second. It’s simple really: are you making this change in your life for the attention it will bring you from the outside world? Or are you making this change in order to better yourself and bring yourself closer to God? I want to endeavor to be who I appear to be. I don’t want to be worse than what I appear; I want to be even better than what I appear. I want the things that I do to build others up rather than tear them down. I’d rather be the butt or your joke than make you the butt of mine. Imagine how we could change the world with that attitude. My grandmother personified the sawdust versus plank in your eye parable not along ago with my dad. She told him that her New Year’s resolution was that we should all learn to be nicer to each other. My dad chuckled and said, “yeah and it should start with you.” She said, “well you need to do your part.” You cannot expect of others what you do not do for them. This being the case, I want to be the person that if others emulated me, I would want to hang out with them.

labyrinth

I went for a walk around campus just the other day to give my legs a rest from running. I hoped as always to find something worthy of writing about. There were beautiful birds, a golf course, a mud puddle called the lagoon, and plenty of traffic pollution. More than that, I discovered the labyrinth for the first time ever. I had seen it a million times but never walked it. It’s like a maze but it is so low to the ground you can remove yourself from it any time you so desire. At any rate, the object is to walk through it and clear your mind and let your heart turn to God in prayer. Personally, I have trouble emptying my mind enough to let my heart talk to God while I feel like an idiot walking through a maze I can easily step out of. However, maybe knowing how practical I am God decided to use this to his advantage. As I walked through my mini maze I couldn’t help but reach down and cast out the debris, including candy wrappers and small tree limbs. As I did this, I began thinking of how this is much like life. There are always little obstacles, small obstructions to our progress. However, just as these things didn’t mean I was on the wrong path in the labyrinth or that I wouldn’t reach my destination, they don’t mean that in real life. Sure, they were a bit of a pain to remove from my path and slowed my progress a bit, but that’s really all they have the power to do. In life, take the time to remove obstacles from your path and do not concern yourself with whether or not you are running the course on par with those around you. We all encounter obstacles of varying magnitudes and at different times in our paths. You might be struggling with something in your that your best friend does not have to deal with. However, that is not to say, that she will not be struggling with something much more severe down the road. Do a good job evaluating and removing your obstacles, and glean from them every good life lesson you can. Then, you will be well equipped to help your friend remove the obstacles from her path when the time comes. I do believe I was put here to help everyone that I can with whatever small wisdom God chooses to impart to me. What greater blessing can you hope to encounter than easing the force of life’s burdens upon another?

failing into the good life

Don’t do something just because you don’t know what else to do-because you don’t have something better to replace it with. Don’t be trapped by this world’s definition of success. However, if what you want is in accordance with that definition so much the better for you. On the other hand, if you must, fail your way into happiness. Fail by this world’s standards all you like. Just never fail by God’s and you are a success, and if there be naught but nickels in your checking account, you will still be a person of great worth. You will not be famous or highly respected by your peers but you will respect yourself and be highly favored by God. The simple life of the poor man will not guarantee you a spot in heaven, that’s true, but if you work it right and be determined to be worth more than you are valued at by loving God and man with all your heart, wanting no more than you have, then your blood pressure will be as low as your net worth. Do this and you will not be respected by many but you will be truly loved by a few. You will not have a casual passing impact upon dozens but will have a lasting impact upon a few.

woolen sheep eyes

I need to write; I need to do it always. Three things I need to always do. I need to always run. I need to always write. And I need to always pray. It is these things that make for a sane, healthy life for me. It’s different for everyone I suppose, but somehow, I think prayer should make all our lists. I guess some people need to always draw, play ball, life weights, meditate, take a walk, do yoga, or whatever. Those are things that take care of the side of us that belongs to this earth, but we will never be okay (forget stable) unless we learn to maintain the side of ourselves that does not belong to this earth. The skeptic will tell you that’s all nonsense and that what I’m about to say is coincidence. All I know is that whenever I fail to talk to God, to read his words, to write them again as I understand them, everything in my life falls spectacularly apart. There is no balance and happiness and purity flee the scene like a thief in the night. Walking with God is the only thing in life I always feel good about. It’s the only time I feel like I’m learning and growing, bettering myself and discovering the things I was meant to know. Also, walking with God is the only I find solace and self-esteem. The longer I’m away from Him, the less I like me. Because what I begin to see is His light being replaced by the darkness of this world and its UGLY! Given all this, why do we ever stray and turn away? We do it because the devil is a charmer and a liar, continuously pulling the wool over our eyes. How ironic! We are God’s sheep, yet we allow the devil to pull the wool over our eyes.